Explanation

Well, I found out yesterday why I have been having super wierd dreams this past month, and why a large majority of them involved something bad like violence or death. 

James and I have been trying to have another baby.  We are looking towards other less expensive routes so we (hopefully) will not have to pay big time for another round of invitro.  We started clomid three months ago, and it worked!  I got a couple of false negative tests (which apparently happens often on my side of the family). 

After six weeks I started to have severe pains.  I miscarried.  This is my third miscarriage...

I am thankful though that if this had to happen, at least it happened early.  I am INCREDIBLY thankful that I got false negative tests as well.... not sure how I would have been if they came back positive and then this happened.  My new OBGYN is amazing, and I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful ally. 

I'll still post any other weird dreams as this blog serves as a dream journal. 

Day of August 29, 2011

After having a terrible morning of not feeling well, I decided to take a nap along with Sydney.  I fell asleep very quickly.  As I started to dream, I thought I could hear Sydney get up and find a way to get out of her crib.  She ran down the hallway and walked right next to my bed so she was right next to me.  I remember feeling like I needed to get up so I could take care of her.  I remember telling myself to open my eyes and wake up but I COULDN'T!  I was practically screaming at myself to get my butt out of bed because Sydney needed me, but my body wasn't allowing me to do so. 

When I finally woke up, I got up and looked around and found that Sydney was still in bed asleep.

I can't find anything to help me see what this would indicate.  None-the-less, it freaked me out just the same!! 

Day of August 14, 2011

Dream:

I was participating in some kind of activity with fellow women.  Not sure what the activity was, but I had Sydney in a classroom to play in while I was doing my own thing.  I sat and could see in a doorway the class that Sydney was in, and she was having a great time running around and having a blast.  I could see other mother's in there that I know from church, and I started to worry that maybe I'm supposed to be in there too.  I don't go in however, and stay with my own activity.  When everything is over, I go to pick Sydney up and she's the last one to be picked up and the teacher is frustrated that she had to wait for me. 

Interpretation:

I don't need a dictionary to for this one.  In church yesterday our Relief Society went over the normal time and Sydney was almost last to be picked up from nursery by myself.  I felt bad, however when I went to get her Sydney was playing and didn't even want to go at first.  That's a good thing (I keep telling myself that) and I guess those feelings came up in my dream. 

Night of August 9, 2011

Dream:

There is a small boy inside a small apartment.  He is working on a garden inside, when there is a knock on the door.  The small boy goes to answer the door and there is a man with an explosive.  I arrive and I try to shield the boy from the explosion, but I am too late and the boy dies.  I wake up to me crying over his body.

Interpretation:

So apparently explosions are becoming a growing trend in my dreams lately.  I really liked this idea from the Dream Moods website about gardens:

To see a vegetable or fruit garden in your dream, indicates that your hard work and diligence will pay off in the end.  It is also symbolic of stability, potential, and inner growth. You need to cultivate a new skill or nurture your spiritual and personal growth. To see a flower garden in your dream, represents tranquility, comfort, love and domestic bliss. You need to be more nurturing.

Since I saw both, I felt like both mattered.  James and I have both been working so hard in work, with Sydney, with each other, etc.  I loved the "domestic bliss" part.  James has been able to be home a bit more over the summer, and it has sure been nice.  

The apartment in my dream was pretty dark and destitute looking: To dream of a shabby and dark apartment, indicates misfortune and possible loss.  Well, that's kind of scary.

Once again... a bomb.  To see a bomb in your dream, indicates that you are going through a potentially explosive situation in your waking life. I still don't understand what this is supposed to represent.  

One thing I have to remind myself as I go through this is that not all dreams have meaning.  Sometimes a dream is just a dream. 

Day of July 31st, 2011

Dream:

I am a part of a team that is helping take down a terrorist that is trying to blow up a stadium full of people.  If you have seen the show "The Mentalist" then you know how this dream is going to go down.  Patrick Jane (from the show) is there and is doing some elaborate and showy way of taking the guy down.  I am supposed to be helping him, but I am so freaked out from the explosive that I run away and land on an elevated set of stairs.  I start crying, while Jane continues on with his show and I am terrified that it will go wrong and we will all die from an explosion.

Interpretation:

In my dream mood's website, a bomb threat indicates: To dream of a bomb threat, suggests that you are experiencing some inner anger and/or pressures which are on the verge of exploding into violence.

This is quiet amusing to me since I am SOO not an angry person.  I'm not sure what pressure I am experiencing other than the normal finances and budgeting fun, but there must be something there, just not sure what as of yet. 

The dream mood website also says: To dream that you are in or part of a crowd, suggests that you need some space for yourself. You need solitude to reflect on a situation and recharge your energy. Consider also the familiar phrase of "going along with the crowd" which implies conformity and lack of individuality.  Perhaps you feel that your own opinion doesn't count or matter. Alternatively, dreaming of a crowd means that you need to incorporate the various aspects of the crowd into your own persona.

Am I craving some alone time?  Needing to get away from things?  Possibly.  There are many times I feel like I am going and going, but not really getting anywhere. Getting some time on my own is not really an option right now, and that maybe what I am getting frustrated about (subconsciously) Overall though, I am truly happy with my husband, my daughter, and the fact that we are giving life the best of our ability.     

Night of July 29th, 2011

Dream: 

James and I are in a hotel room.  Our daughter Sydney is not with us, so I am assuming we are having a night to ourselves.  The hotel room is not the best, looking pretty dingy.  While we are getting ready for bed, I see a shell crawling up the wall and freak out.  I tell James to look, and he grabs it and throws it on the bed.  He then proceeds to look in the shell and there are two gigantic spiders inside that are mostly dead.  I'm freaking out in any way possible, and James takes the spiders and throws them out of the window.

The next morning we are heading out and happen to be back in Salt Lake.  We see so many new faces there but there are a few familiar ones.  We feel out of place.  

Interpretation:

After looking up "bug" in a dream dictionary, I found this: To see a bug in your dream, suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxieties and/or fears. What is literally bugging you? Consider also the popular phrase "bitten by the bug" to imply your strong emotional ties or involvement to some activity/interest/hobby.

This makes a lot of sense considering what my family is going through right now.  I am struggling to find a job, my husband's dad has to go to a nursing home even though he really can't afford it, and my husband is trying to finish up his master's degree ALL at the same time.  Time is stressful right now for us.

The being out of place in Salt Lake is very obvious to me; we are currently looking at the next place where we are to live since we do not want our daughter going to school here in Nevada.  We don't know where yet, and that uncertainty is showing up in this form of dream.